Much like Trishanku

Trishanku. I see the word emblazoned on several pages in a diary where I took down notes during a lecture, drew doodles and wrote my name in different languages, a habit which is an unmistakable characterstic of self obsessed people, I hear. Well. Why does this word chug at my heart’s strings today? I bore down into the English and Hindi calligraphy shouting out the word aloud. I am Trishanku, I finally decide.

I am in a weird phase of my life when marriage proposals scare me. So does getting rishta-ed at social gatherings. And eventually, an irritation creeps up at times, when I’m not ready to accept the reality that the time has come, when the event you talked about as if it was too futuristic, is round the corner, peek a booing at you. And at times, I feel I am at that juncture, wherein I would love to share my life happily with a man I see capable of being my soulmate. But the very thought of leaving my parents, and settling in another house freaks me out too. For it’ll be a major change for a pampered only child like me. It is, for every woman, to be frank.

My Nani once talked of how, she was a rocking bride as she didn’t cry at all. But after what they call the ‘Pag Phera Rasam’, when the time to go to the “new nest” arrived, did the feeling sink in and needless to say, she was inconsolable. She still makes up for her not bauling like a baby at her wedding by doing so at family weddings or a movie scene, even the overtly dramatic ones, I tell you. She even cried at her son’s wedding, the daughter in law sobbing being the trigger. My mother and aunt had to pat her, consoling her with a lame “she’s coming to your place only, don’t you worry.” dialogue. Hilarious, right?

I guess that’ll be me. Totally mawkish at my wedding. But for now, It’s like I’m hanging nowhere, feeling incomprehensible and foolish. Why doesn’t any man fit into my list of an ideal mate, I ponder. Does that mean I have a list? Well, only in my mind; the contents of which I myself am a stranger to. For it seems hazy and so like a hideous elf straight from the stories of Enid Blyton, who pitter patters around. You can’t see it, but only hear it and feel it, looking at you being perplexed with a sly smile adorning the face, for everyone loves entertainment. Even if it’s your own mind and soul, which have been made to confuse you. Forever.

And on top of that, my Ipod playlist is mocking me too. I am listening to ‘Unse Mili Nazar’, the classic from the flick Jhuk Gaya Aasmaan. I love how the lyrics describe the myriad reactions and feelings of a woman when she stands mesmerized by a man whom she’s encountered briefly. It brings me into an “OMG I would love it if it happens to me soon” mode.

And then comes in Sona Mohapatra’s ‘Abhi Nahi Aana’. I must share some lines from the song that nail my mood-

“Mohe Thoda Marne De, Intezaar Karne De.”

“Thodi Door Rehke, Mohe Tarsaana,

Abhi Toh Main Chaahoon, Sari Sari Raat Jagna”

“Abhi Naa Jagao, Bane Raho Sapna,

Abhi Toh Main Chahoon, Aas Lagaye Rakhna…”

Another favourite for days when I feel I need more time for myself as a single woman. The song speaks of the joy of waiting for one’s beloved. Yes, I totally feel like that woman sitting at the jharoka of a splendid palace, sipping tea and reading a book, occasionally peeping out, smiling to myself and at my enigma. Haha! Also at the good luck of the man who’ll be mine. For he gets me, after all. 😉

Perhaps, In a few years, I’ll just laugh reading my own post, contemplating if or not, my husband deserves to be enlightened about the flimsy blogger that his wife was (and would still be at that point, rather.) Whatsay, folks?

One Year As A Blogger! Yay!

And last night, I logged into my WordPress account, only to find the notification section gleaming, with a trophy symbol adorning it. Excitedly, I opened it, to find this-

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And I was so happy! I didn’t realize it had been one whole year since I had willingly drenched myself in the world of blogging. And that prompted me to pat myself on the back. For it is a milestone, right?
It was in 2011 when me and my bestie decided to start a blog together, deciding on the name and password first and foremost (as it happens to be the case, always!), only to forget about it after a while. I guess, an exciting and busy college life took the better of us.
It was in 2015, that while lounging lazily in the bed, I was going through my memo, wherein I had stored the password and name of the blog we had started. And it lit the bulb in my soul, which is always in for procrastination. Why don’t I write, I thought. And quickly, the blog acquired a facelift. I wrote two non serious reviews of some damn café I had been to then, and within a week, the blog posts received two likes, from god knows whom. And that got me thinking- was I writing something worthwhile? The answer, to be obvious was a big no. It took me some time to find my calling as a blogger. And once I found it, I’ve never looked back. I decided to write about something I was. My blog had to be huesome, I decided, with my individuality coloring it with confident strokes

And the epiphanic moment gave rise to my first love-

www.speaksmusically.wordpress.com

I decided to write about being a defense aspirant. It came easily to me. I thought starting a blog could be a joyous beginning for me, a lucky charm sort of thing. And it was challenging, let me tell you. When you decide to write on a particular theme, it forces you to be creative every time you decide to pen down a different aspect of one precious dream you have every moment. And I thoroughly enjoyed it. I would like to inform all you amazing readers that since I was already following a lot of fauj related blogs, they were a huge inspiration for me in this context.
And as you might’ve guessed, I am now addicted to blogging. After refusing to take it seriously for about three months, owing to my passion for reading, which often meddles with the rest of my priorities (Not that I mind. Haha!). Post that lull, I was into it all the time, which led to the deadly determination of starting another blog, in order to write on a host of other things that caught my fancy every now and then. And in this one year, due to my blogs, I have encountered so many other talented bloggers with the same interests as mine. Reading them blasts my mind with freshness. And it makes me go all wow on them. That, in turn, encourages me to write better, raising the bar every time I start typing my heart, mind and soul out.
Now, now, isn’t it exciting to be learning so much every day? And since I follow blogs, or leave comments only when the blog post hits me as worthy enough of taking out my time and energy to thank the writer for writing what he/she did, I value all of you readers/bloggers, who do the same for me. I value all the love, luck, compliments you have given me in the past one year. With close to 500 hits and 15 followers on my first blog and the second one bucking up in that department, I am proud of myself.
I had decided beforehand that I would start my journey as a blogger anonymously, and not enlighten any other friend/family member of this new development. It just takes the fun out of the whole task, I tell you. I am the kind of person who hates garnering publicity for anything. I decided I shall have genuine readership, and I did achieve that in such a short span of time. The pride is hence justified. After some months, I told just about 5 people- my mother and four besties, of my blog and the darlings that these folks are, they praised me to the skies, in spite of me begging them to give what I call constructive criticism. To which their only answer was – “There is none.” The whole affair made me glad to have such cherubs around me.

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Quite a surprise for my bestie! 😀

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She knows me so well. Awwh! ❤

And am prepared to come out of the hiding any time soon? Hahaha no, not now. I don’t think I am still ready to share my identity, only to have stalkers checking out my facebook and instagram accounts to dig in information about my life. Hahaha, okay I know this was me being mean and foolish. You might be thinking why don’t I just advertise my blogs on the social platforms, for those on the friends list. Nah! Too much of an exercise, I tell you! Hehe.
Till a change of heart happens, I am going to write more, live more, observe more, making mental notes in the process, putting the thoughts/experiences which are blog worthy, in my top priority mental folder. So, where’s the glass of wine, man! I need to celebrate the achievement, oh yeah! 😉

Meanwhile, keep reading, commenting, liking, loving, and most importantly, sharing feedback with me. Thank you!
I solemnly swear to keep writing, reading, and most importantly, ranting! Oh, they call it blogging. Silly me! 😀

Psst… I’ve been reading all my blog posts since morning. Shit. I write so well yaar! *sheds tears of absolute joy* 😛